You see, I have it all played out in my head.
I know what I will say,
how I will say it,
and what I will do immediately after.
I will tell you that I never “really” loved you,
and that we were “just kids” who
“didn’t know any better. “
I will look you straight in the eye without flinching,
or tearing my nails,
or staring at the tip of my shoes.
And then I will walk past you and forget that I saw you by the next city block.
But the “reality” in my head is a lot easier to digest than the
Reality that I will inevitably wake up to in the morning,
praying to god that it was not “just” a dream,
a forth telling.
a déjà vu, only the “vu” hasn’t happened yet.
So that when I do see you one day,
I will tell you that I fall for you again,
and again each time I read your letters,
and lie in my bed,
and follow the familiar trails we’ve engraved in our memory.
I can only hope that yours lead to mine.